Written by Stephanie Kleanthous
Illustrated by Emily Birch
Disclaimer: this piece isn’t for Tories.
The election is one day away. We’ve seen the manifestos. We’ve watched Boris Johnson shy away from children on hospital floors with pneumonia and lie about all of the money he’ll put into the NHS. We’ve watched Jeremy Corbyn continue to fight for the working class, those who rely on the services the Conservatives are determined to sell off and privatise.
It’s time to look closer at the root of the drastic differences between these two men – their astrological birth charts. They are both Geminis and for those who don’t spend as much time learning about astrology as I do, you might think that two Geminis are the same. Wrong. There’s a lot more than just your ‘sun sign’ (your star sign) to astrology. We all have birth charts which delve much deeper into who we truly are and this is calculated using not only the date but place and time you were born. So let’s get digging.
The charts
Sun – your star sign
JC & BJ: Gemini (mutable, air)
JC: Geminis are known for their duality and adaptability. Corbyn utilises this to connect with all different types of people from different backgrounds. He uses his versatility and sociability from being an air sign to become a voice for those who can’t reach his position. He used his adaptability to acknowledge that Brexit is what the majority voted for, now he’s focused on getting the best outcome – for the many.
BJ: Johnson also possesses duality. More so in the two-faced sense. What is really happening with our NHS? Boris also adapts easily to change, we can see this with how quickly he switched from being anti-Brexit to pro-Brexit to benefit his career. He’s not persistent on getting the best deal for the many.
Moon – your emotions
JC: Taurus (fixed, earth)
While Taurus’ are a fixed sign and stubborn, Corbyn is stubborn where it matters. He knows what he believes in and has persisted for decades, protesting on the streets and embodying the tenacious Taurean bull as he fights off the sting of Johnson’s Scorpio moon. Taurus moons are romantic which balances out his Gemini placements and they love their comforts. You can bet his sofa is covered in fleecy warm throws and plenty of soft cushions.
BJ: Scorpio (fixed, water)
Scorpio. The polar opposite (sister sign) of Taurus. Surprised? Known for their mood swings, lust for revenge and stubbornness, you never want to be on the bad side of a Scorpio moon. Scorpios and Geminis have the potential to be the most manipulative and power hungry of the signs. Mix these two in a chart and you’ve got a sizzling hot mess! On his sofa I imagine sharp knives carefully placed in each cushion to stab you in the back at any given moment.
Mercury – how you communicate
JC & BJ: Gemini (mutable, air)
JC: Matching his sun sign with his mercury makes for a very good debater who’s ready with what to say at the right time as it all comes from his sweet heart.
BJ: Same but not the same. He squanders his potential to be the ultimate JC due to his dishonesty. You can often find him fumbling for the right thing to bail him out of the newest scandal.
Venus – how you love
JC & BJ: Gemini (mutable, air)
JC: I’ve got to say, due to this, I could never be Corbyn’s lover. Fickle, unsatisfied and has possibly cheated. This is quite evident with his three marriages. Can still be mates though.
BJ: There’s too much Gemini in his chart for any sense of romanticism. He loves like a true Tory: uncaring with a wandering eye. He’s the ex that was always thinking the grass is greener (post-Brexit and NHS-less) but months later, lusting over what he once had, pops back up into your life only to destroy it again with false hope. Red flag. Steer clear.
Mars – sex and aggression
JC: Taurus (fixed, earth)
Sexual and aggressive like the bull. More fixed sign in his chart brings balance to the mutable and easy-going nature of Geminis. “‘Slow and steady wins the race’ could easily be a motto for Mars in Taurus. These goal-oriented people are not known for their speed, but their staying power is tremendous.” They have strong goals and will do anything to achieve them.
BJ: Gemini (mutable, air)
Mars in Gemini can be nervous deep down which further explains his bumbling when communicating. “In general, they can be talkative sorts, sometimes bordering on verbal diarrhea” creating a mess in their tracks. See below for prime examples of this.
Jupiter – one of the social planets, rules idealism, optimism, expansion
JC: Aquarius (fixed, air)
A sociable air sign. Absolutely ideal. Aquarians, being fixed, possess strong opinions that are difficult to change showing we can rely on them to follow through. They have an idealised outlook, consistently fighting for causes and are known as the ‘humanitarians’ of all the signs.
BJ: Taurus (fixed, earth)
Three words: lust. For. Money. Taurus’ seek the more expensive things in life to make them feel comfortable. Having this as his social planet on idealism and expansion is wildly different and dangerous compared to Corbyn’s humanitarian nature. While this should mean Johnson enjoys spending money on others as well as himself, the overkill of Gemini in his chart sheds him of his potential generosity.
Saturn – one of the social planets, rules responsibility, restrictions, boundaries, fears, self-discipline
JC: Leo (fixed, fire)
A natural leader. Friendly, outgoing and fiery. Combining his air sun sign and air Jupiter with Leo as his other social planet, it’s no wonder he can always command a crowd and gain a following. He truly understands others needs and wants.
BJ: Pisces (mutable, water)
Pisces are known for their compassion. In Johnson’s case, he focuses this on his career, money and power. Perhaps his Gemini dominants keep him blind to the high rates of homelessness, child poverty and crippling student debt that his Pisces would normally activate.
Ascendant/rising – how others perceive you
JC: Unknown
Unfortunately, due to his unknown time of birth, we cannot calculate his ascendant/rising sign. However, my money’s on the ever-caring Cancer.
BJ: Libra (cardinal, air)
Of course. What better facade than a bubbly, lovable Libra. But as we’ve discovered, Boris is a Scorpio moon deep down, covering up his nonsense with a ‘charm’ he’s apparently presented us with all these years. By making himself the clown of the UK, his hateful prejudice and racism has been brushed under the carpet time and time again. Scandalous.
In conclusion, Corbyn is ruled by adaptability, communication, humanitarianism and great stability while Johnson is ruled by deceitful duality, mood swings and lack of compassion.
Have you been inspired and want to find out your own birth chart? Click here and text your Mum to find out what time you were born. The next step is to download the Co-Star app and let a Scorpio take personal hits at you on a daily basis.
In all seriousness, please use your vote tomorrow.
