Written by Stephanie Kleanthous
Illustration by Emily Nash
An abundance of stars,
In the absence of cars,
The only electricity
Shocked and paralysed by every move you’re making,
As you lie on my thighs my body is awakened,
Sat inside reading poetry,
And I know that you’re owing me
But you’re turning my thoughts
Tingles down my spine
When you’re humming.
That pulsating chain of events
That led up to me asleep in your bed,
Made me want to learn every shard that you scattered before me,
Climb into every window in the hopes you’ll adore me,
Pull back the curtains and reassure me,
‘Cause I don’t even feel comfortable,
‘Cause he took pieces that left me vulnerable,
Can’t be beside you without my t-shirt on,
So I’m layering.
I’m layering sheets of myself I didn’t even know I had,
And you’re quick to talk back
But my anxiety’s attacked,
Nothing I have is intact,
When I can’t leave him in the past.
And I don’t know what you think of me,
If you reminisce about kissing me,
All I know is that you twisted me,
So I made the right choice out of disbelief,
Fucking him off to feel relief,
But there I was in your house with PTSD,
Every move you make, still shocking me.
I skipped therapy for you,
Just to stay those extra hours
Just to sleep that extra night,
But it was all pointless,
I still don’t know what I look like.
Whirled up in your words,
Hurled me out of his curse,
So now I’m taking the time
To find what I deserve.