My Island: “I used to wonder”

Written by Annie Wilson

Illustration by Ruby Hinchliffe

My Island (spoken word version)

We suggest you listen to Annie’s spoken word version here

My Island (written version)

I used to wonder why I clung to boys like islands in between oceans full of mean boys 

I used to wonder why I love you sounded like an answered SOS call 

A flare which had been seen 

Which crackled and exploded 

Which was full of life and only used to call other boys because if I explode in the middle of the ocean 

Colourful and bright 

It doesn’t count if it’s just by myself 

I used to wonder why boys looked like big ships with masts and polished decking where I can throw up all the ugly sea water from past trauma 

Navigating dating left me calcified and bleached 

Sucked colour from me 

But I used to wonder why that was 

Whether I helped give them the colour 

I used to wonder 

Why relationships were islands I clung to even though they were fully made from the sharks in the water 

A mirage of other mean boys 

And I would weep till tsunamis would wash them away 

Learnt not to unpack my bag whichever island the waves swept me too 

And the waves were mean boys pushing me back into the cruelty like the outskirts of a playground fight 

But you and when I say you I mean me 

You were a long lost Island in which looked familiar and built for me 

You didn’t feel like temporary land

You and I when I saw you I mean me were  the reason I went travelling 

As if to say I found myself 

The reason I took to the seven seas 

The Darwinian discovery, expedition destination I was looking for 

Curvy small island 

but enough 

Ripe fruits 

White sand 

Blue oceans deep I lose myself in it all over again 

You were the kind of island that you wouldn’t need to take anything with you for 

As if to say that I had everything I was looking for all along 

So I burnt my pathetic boat 

poured a drink with umbrellas, liquor and cherries to celebrate this 

And I’ll lay at your shore forever

Encircled by sand 

Waves licking my feet 

Set off a flare 

Just to watch the colours be swallowed by the sky 

This time I see it 

And hope no one ever has the audacity to try and save me 

About the author

Annie is a 23-year-old spoken word artist who has performed at various events including one sponsored by dating app, Bumble. She is also studying biology at the University of Bristol, where she perfomed in a spoken word duo on the topic of artificial intelligence.

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