Illustration by Jen Backman
If you’re single and definitely not up for a mingle this Valentine’s Day, don’t you worry. There’s a whole load of things you can do to fill the gooey lovey dovey day. From gorging on a tub of Ben and Jerry’s to showering yourself and other single mates with love, I’ve got you covered.
Perhaps you’re alone this Valentine’s because you’ve recently got out of a relationship, or maybe you just don’t want one (groundbreaking). Every year we take a step closer to promoting self-love, self-care and putting ourselves first. Some of us are focusing on careers, degrees, travelling and simply do not have the time for someone else. Others have time for it all and are soaking up the love from their partners this year. Let’s not be bitter, let’s continue to focus on ourselves and make sure we’re filling our own minds and bodies with love.
Valentine’s Day, originally designed only for couples, can make those who are alone feel lonely as they walk by numerous adverts and love hearts in every shop window. It’s time to stop feeling lonely and be comfortable in your own company. Personally, I’m glad to be alone this Valentine’s with my track record!
It seems this is the one day a year where we are expected to put out. Like an unwritten rule or something. One Valentine’s Day I attempted that sexy underwear thing. In a hotel room. In Brighton. Like I was in a fucking movie. Locked myself in the bathroom, changed into a skimpy pink number and tried to act seductive. I have to tell you, it was far from sexy. Nothing romantic about it. Instead, I ended up in the bathroom for ages because I couldn’t attach the suspenders to the suspender belt. He probably thought I was having a poo or something. We’d not long departed from a 13 hour coach journey and I’m pretty sure we fell asleep before even getting down to business. Jesus Christ, I can’t even keep them interested when I’m wearing suspenders! What is sex appeal and where do I buy it please?
All in all, a totally failed sexy time attempt forced on to me by the pressure to perform on Valentine’s Day. The only foot-long to enter me that day was the free Valentine’s Subway. It didn’t disappoint.
Definitely do not go out for dinner with your Mum or Dad on Valentine’s Day. I’ve made that mistake before. He is only 20 years older than me and so the waiter was left very confused and unsure how to address us. I think it must have totally surpassed us as to what day it was. We just wanted a TGI Fridays, is that too much to ask?
So, what can us singleton’s do this Valentine’s?
I highly recommend a GALentine’s Day or, if you’re a guy, swap the romance for BROmance. That’s my plan this year. Go out for a meal with friends, or, better yet, to avoid the restaurants packed with smooches and heart shaped everything, have a dinner party at home. Cook up a meal, get several bottles of wine in, play charades, go mental!
If your friends are busy, you can always turn to our old friend Miss Bridget Jones. An icon. But wait, she gets the guy in the end, doesn’t she? Watch How To Be Single instead. It’s on Netflix. The gal from Fifty Shades stars in it, however, a slightly more vanilla character. Order in a takeaway, pop a face mask on and your favourite bed socks. It’s Thursday night anyway, most of us have work the next day regardless.
Jump in your Vauxhall Costa. Plug in the aux and sing your heart out to Celine Dion. Drive around for hours belting banger after banger and you’ll slowly drown out any lonesome feelings. May waste a lot of petrol but singing releases those endorphins, (do it in your bedroom if you’re car-less).
Or fuck it. Whack out the Monzo and buy yourself something fine. Don’t get paid for another two weeks but who cares. Fancy some fresh creps… pop it on the Monzo! It might make your account overdrawn but just tap tap tap away. Contactless doesn’t come out for days – a blessing and a curse.
Valentine’s shouldn’t have to be specific to people. I really love leopard print… and beer. Can’t I celebrate my love for these instead? I could sit in the pub with a Carling dressed head to toe in leopard print. Combine all of your loves and make yourself feel good. Fuck everyone else. Romance ain’t dead, bitches.
Use this day to celebrate yourself. Everything you’ve achieved and overcome since the last February 14th. It may be just another Thursday to you but utilise it, be productive and continue to work towards your goals.
By Rosalie Moloney
Edited by Stephanie Kleanthous
